4 Things I Noticed from My Counselor

Ever since October, I have been going to the counselor once a week to talk to her. Because I have trouble scheduling an appointment available, I'm unable to go to her starting from this week until the beginning of December. Since I won't be going to counseling for 2-3 weeks, I will dedicate this post to mention the positive things about my counselor and the impact she made 2 months since I started going to her sessions.

1) My counselor asks open-ended questions

The way she asks me questions is like a free-response question on a questionnaire or a test: I am allowed to express whatever I want just as long as if I am able to provide an answer. I am not limited to a multiple choice in a world that is open to all kinds of answers. She never asked me a yes/no question or a dead-end question when I'm forced to give a specific answer. To me, her open-ended questions lets me come up with my own answers.

2) My counselor lets me speak whenever I want.

When I first started visiting my counselor, I was annoyed with her silence. I wondered why she sat in the chair, waiting for me. I didn't know what else to talk about. It took me a few more sessions to make me realize she never pulled teeth out to get me to talk. She usually ends the session by asking me if I have anything else to say. If I want to talk, I can talk. If not, I don't. It's all about letting the person have control of their voice and speak up on whatever is important to them.

3) My counselor never told me what I "should" do

There is a different telling someone what they should do and what they can do. Here is a comparison between "should" and "can" using something from my counselor:

A: You should schedule your next appointment with me week.
B: You can schedule your next appointment with me next week. (Her actual quote)

Telling someone what they should or shouldn't do suggests urgency. If you tell someone they should do, it tells them that you expect them to follow X, Y, and Z. "Should" puts pressure on a person and does not give them control over their situation.

But telling someone what they can do empowers the person. It lets the person be in charge of the driver seat and letting them steer in their own direction. Even if someone doesn't follow X, Y, & Z, "can" gives possibilities and options for someone in order to do something that works for them. In the case of my counselor, she always tell me what I can do to encourage me to make my own choices and find my own paths towards treatment.

4) My counselor lets me confront my own problems & lead me to solutions

Never have I ever heard my counselor telling me what solution I should take if I have a problem. Instead, she will ask a series of questions of what the problem is and how I would like to approach it. Whenever I tell her my suggestion, she will ask further questions until I come up with a possible solution clear enough to be carried out. It may seem like she was taking me nowhere with so many questions. But it does lead to a way for me to approach my problem with good intentions that works for me.

What other things do you notice from your counselors or other helping professionals?